Keeping my thoughts silent

He was hurt, extremely hurt.  I don't think the deacon that criticized the sermon realized just how much pain he inflicted.  Weekly I watch my husband pray and toil for several hours over each sermon he prepares.  His prayer is that every word he speaks behind the pulpit is that which God would have him speak.  Yet, at that very moment I could see my husband's dreams begin to crumble.  All because of words unfitly spoken.

In that moment, I saw what my words have done to my husband.  No, I didn't criticize my husband's sermon - this week.  I know I have spoken unfit words to my husband, and I imagine that it crushed his spirit much more than this man's words have.  Sunday, I learned that I have an important role in my husband's life.  My role is not to help him "improve" his sermons.  My role is not to disagree or correct what he says.  My role is to love him, to encourage him, and to PRAISE him for the blessing his sermon was to my heart. 

Sunday night, as I sat in the pew with four very disobedient hearts (they all chose the same service to act up in), I fought with my mind to try to glean one aspect of the sermon that I could praise him for.  Fighting my tears and the desire to pack up all the children, quietly sneak out of the service and take them home to put to bed, I sat and listened, and I prayed.  I prayed that the Lord would clear my thoughts of the desire to flee, and give me a heart for these people who try so hard to distance themselves.  I prayed that the Lord would silence my thoughts of lonliness and help me to realize my husband is even more lonely.  I prayed that the Lord would free me of my discouragement so I could be the encourager my husband needs.

I can't promise that I won't ever utter a word unfitly spoken - I am after all nothing more than a sinner saved by God's wonderous grace.  But I am content.  God has brought us here to a hard field.  One that will not yield all the fruit we expect to yield as we plant and toil.  But just as a farmer faces good years and bad, fertile fields and stoney fields.  We will rejoice.  For though we labor, God will bring the increase.  My job is not to reign over my husband but to stand beside him and encourage him.

My goal is to speak words of praise to my husband so that next time his sermon is criticized, he will have peace knowing that when he comes home his wife will encourage and love him.

Preparing for Sunday: Wednesday

Today is a great day to have a chapel service with your children to help them remember the proper behavior they are to have in church.  With the wealth of sermons available on the Internet (do be wise in what sermon you choose -- choose a preacher you know preaches the gospel message correctly), it is easy to find a new sermon each week to listen to.

After you have chosen a sermon to listen to, sit your children down on the couch, or around the table, and explain to them what you are going to do.  I like to sit my kids beside me on the couch to "practice how we are going to sit in church.  They are each given a Bible, a notebook, and a pencil.  Have a time of singing together where they can join in on the singing with you (just like they would do during the service).  Have a time of prayer.  Take a moment to reexplain how they are to sit with explanation of how discipline will be issued (just as you would do on Sunday's).  For example, my six year old knows how to sit quietly and keep her hands to herself. However, she rarely behaves in church and she knows punishment will be waiting for her at home.  I am not promoting that you discipline your one year old for squirming (for example, a couple weeks ago, my husband mentioned the rooster crow in a sermon.  My two year old promptly added er er ererrrrrrrrrrrr -- I promptly tried to shush him, but was pleased that he was at least listening on occasion).

Mom, sit down with your children and your Bible-- remember, we are to set the example.  I suggest using a note card for taking notes (it's easier to slip into your Bible if you have to deal with  a child).  Begin the sermon, and if any of the kids begin to act up, you can pause the message and deal with the situation.  Sit back down and return to listening to the sermon.  If you are doing this for the first time, you can progressively work your way up to an entire sermon -- Start with 15 minutes of sitting, and work your way up to the full 45 - 75 minutes of sitting still.  If you can train your children to sit quietly and listen to a sermon now you will be blessed when they are older, and in other situations when they need to know how to sit quietly and attentively. If they know how to write start off by having them pick out words and write the words, then progress to sentences, and continue progressing until they can take notes on the sermon.  If they don't know how to write, have them draw pictures of words they hear, or copy the words you write in your notes.

This is a training session.  If your children need more work in preparation for Sunday's, maybe a practice session every other day would be helpful.  You set the pace.  Don't become upset or angry that your kids are not letting you hear a complete sermon.  Instead, rejoice in the tidbits that you are able to grasp and focus on the training aspect.  Eventually you will be able to focus on the preaching again, but for this season of our lives, God has granted us the task of teaching our children to have a passion for God.

Preparing for Sunday: Tuesday

Last week I discussed the importance of taking time on Monday to prepare my heart for Sunday.  This week, I am going to discuss why I take time on Tuesday to prepare my Sunday School Lesson.

Occassionally, a pastor's wife has to step up and take on a ministry she really doesn't want to take on simply because no one else is willing to take it on and the wonderful Pastor already has too much on his plate.  This basically explains how I became a Sunday School teacher.  I had no desire to teach Sunday School, not because I don't have the ability to teach, but because I really want my children to have godly influences on their lives other than their parents.  However, at this moment in time we have no one else to teach.  So, in my reluctance I took on the task.

My first and biggest mistake was my reluctance.  Instead of being excited and rejoicing at the opportunity to minister in the church, I complained.  Then, after complaining I began to procrastinate.  Because I did not want to teach I would wait till the very last moment (Saturday night after the kids were in bed) to prepare the lesson.  Ugh, it was awful.  I would usually be up till midnight cutting out flannelgraph, making photocopies, and somewhere in there squeezing a few minutes to read through the Bible lesson.  Guiltily, I knew this was not the way I should be approaching my class.  It often left me tired and stressed on Sunday morning.

So, asking the Lord for wisdom (and I'm sure quite a bit of prayer from my husband that I would change my attitude), I sought out to find a way to make teaching Sunday School a lot less stressful and more enjoyable.

Each quarter when I first receive the materials, I go through and print out all of the papers I will need for the quarter and file them into folders for the week they are to be used.  I also get all of the flannelgraph cut out (I found this is a great way to keep my hands busy while watching a movie with my husband -- of course, if you are planning to snuggle with your husband while watching a movie DO NOT DO THIS).

Now we get to Tuesday.  On Tuesday, I recommend taking some time to read through and study out the Sunday School lesson for Sunday.  Gather any and all supplies you will need for your class, and pull out the papers you will need to photocopy.  The reason I suggest you plan all of this on Tuesday is so if your church has a midweek service, you can take everything with you and make your photocopies and place all of the S.S. supplies in your classroom.  I have found Sunday mornings are less stressful if I'm not having to rush around church making photocopies and then arriving at the lesson just to realize I left some of the supplies at home.

Now, you are ready for Sunday School.  I do recommend reviewing the lesson again on Saturday.  However, if you are already prepared and the unexpected arises (this is the ministry, and things always happen on Saturday's when we are unprepared for Sunday - at least it tends to work that way for me), you won't be stressing and staying up into the early hours of the morning to get your Sunday School lesson prepared.

Preparing the Heart for Sunday

How was your Sunday?  I pray you enjoyed the fellowship with other believers, and the exhortation from the Scriptures.  However, if your Sunday was like mine where you were distracted by a whimpering baby and a squirmy toddler, it may not be so easy to say you had a fabulous Sunday.

Yes, Sunday was a challenge.  However, today is a new day.  So, today I begin with the preparation of my heart for next Sunday.

There was a time I dreaded Sundays.  It's not that I didn't like going to church.  I loved going to church.  I just hated to go to church when my husband was preaching and I had to try to grow more arms to keep each of my children quiet.  Yet, as the time passed I realized that the more I hated going to church, the worse my children behaved in church.  Thus, I set out to change my bad attitude about Sundays.

I went back to the Scripture - Yes, I could get more out of a sermon by listening at home when the children were down for naps: God commands us to gather together with other believers. 

Hebrews 10:24-25 states

And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works,

not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another

This passage has helped me to realize that the purpose of attending church is not just to sit in the pew and listen to the sermon.  The purpose of my attending church is to "stir up another to love and good works."  I can't do this if I have a bad attitude about attending in the first place.

Once I realized that my attendance at church was for the purpose of encouraging other believers and to receive encouragement from other believers, attending church became much easier. I no longer had the pressure to try to be fed from the sermon while my kids squirmed for attention.

Now I enjoy going to church, not because of the sermon (although I'm sure my husband is a great preacher, and I'm sure someday I'll actually be able to hear an entire sermon without interruption).  But I look forward to going to church because it's my opportunity to minister to my church family.  By giving hugs, and letting the other women know I'm praying for them throughout the week, I can encourage them. And, I have learned to enjoy just the short visits I get with each church member.

I am also encouraging my children by teaching them the importance of faithfulness; and most importantly, I am encouraging my husband.  When I miss a service (for reasons other than illness), it discourages my husband.  I like to try to hear at least one small point of his sermon to discuss with him over the noon meal. 

So, Mondays are important for me.  They help me to reset my thinking.  I do continue to struggle with the thoughts of "it would be so much easier to just keep them home," or "what's the point in going if every Sunday is going to be like this."  On Mondays I remind myself of why it's important to attend church, and start looking forward to the next Sunday.  By building up anticipation all week, I find it much easier to be joyful and excited about attending church on Sunday, and to be hopeful that this Sunday will be better.

Wrestling a Crocodile

Have you ever wrestled a crocodile?  Sunday gave me the opportunity . . . at least in theory.

Attempting to keep a toddler still in church is very much like wrestling a crocodile.  Sunday, I had to make a decision on how I would respond.  I could choose to respond in frustration towards a child who was struggling to sit still; or I could rejoice in the opportunity that was given to me.

By sitting in church with my toddler, I am able to train him. He is learning the importance of faithfulness in gathering together with other believers (Hebrews 10:25).  He is also learning how to rein in his energy and sit quietly.

My other children also learn by my example.  If I were to take every opportunity to duck out of church because of a squirming child or a headache caused from stress, my kids would grow up thinking that attending church is not important.  By attending even when going to church is difficult, my kids learn that attending church is very important and has great value for their spiritual lives. 

Yet, my children are not the only ones learning by my actions.  The Lord is also teaching me to control my own emotions and reactions.  I am also learning to find my spiritual nourishment from personal study of the Word of God rather than depending on the preacher to spoon feed me every week (Acts 17:11).  The Lord has also been teaching me that simply gathering together with other believers can be uplifting to one's spirit.  This is not to say that there is no value in hearing the sermon (the sermon has many lessons).  I am simply drawing on those blessings and lessons learned outside of the message.

A Love/Hate Relationship - Part 1

What a wonderful Lord's Day we had on Sunday.  I love being able to attend service and return home with my heart full from being taught from the Word of God and fellowshipping with other believers.  This past Sunday was incredible.  My children sat quietly and somewhat attentively, and I made it through an entire service without having to step out. 

However, this has not always been the relationship I had with Sundays.  Over the past five years, there have been many times that the day set aside for worshipping our Great Lord was my most miserable and lonely day of the week.  Nearly five years ago, my husband and I found ourselves in a small hurting church.  Our young preschoolers were the only children, and we had an adjustment to make.  I had a choice, I could either teach our three active children to sit quietly through service or I could spend all four services in the nursery.  Many times I ended the service by sitting in the nursery trying to keep the kids quiet.  More than once I would completely leave the church and bring all of the kids home and put them in bed.  Many of those days ended with me in tears.  This was a very hard season in life for me.  I fought it with every ounce of my being; because I fought it, I was miserable and lonely. 

I'm not saying there was anything I could have done differently.  I couldn't force my kids to sit still and quiet.  Three kids and only two arms made this task nearly impossible (I would have needed to be an octopus to accomplish this).  However, my attitude stunk.  I placed unreasonable expectations on my kids to sit quietly for three services in one day and still be able to take afternoon naps -- that meant they had no time on Sundays to play and be active. 

I also placed unreasonable expectations on our congregation.  I thought surely someone else in the church would volunteer to sit with my kids in the nursery for at least one service every now and then (I wasn't asking for every week).  I expectantly hung up a nursery volunteer sheet.  To my dismay, no one signed up to be in the nursery.  My expectation caused me to begin resenting the church.

Horror of Horrors, was when I became angry with my husband. I would get hurt and upset whenever he preached beyond the allotted time frame (okay, beyond my allotted time frame).  Didn't he understand I was barely maintaining my composure to stay sitting there?  Couldn't he tell the kids couldn't possibly sit for an extra half hour? 

Those first two to three years of training our children to behave in church was indeed a season of winter in my life.  You know what, the winter is not entirely over for me.  Since arriving at the church, we have added two more babies to our family.  This means I still don't hear majority of the sermons my husband preaches, but this winter season in my life is slowly warming up. 

I write this so that you, young pastor's wife can find encouragement knowing that while this season is cold and lonely at times, you can make it through this season.  It will ease up.  I will continue this topic on another day.

Ecclesiastes 3:1

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: