Is Discipline Important

Over the past several years, I have worked with a few different women.  They were each very different from each other, but they all had one thing in common.  Each of them believed the lies of this world that to discipline and tell their child no would cause him mental harm.  This lie is the cause of the mental harm that their children face.  Like us, children are sinners.  If they are breathing, they have the capacity and the tendency to make wrong, sinful decisions.  Children, like adults need to be told what to do, and what is expected of them.  I'm not saying we need to punish them every time they make a wrong choice (God is rich in mercy and has given it to us so freely, we cannot refrain from demonstrating this mercy to our children). 

Discipline is not merely the correction of and execution of punishment.  Discipline is coming alongside our children, letting them know that we understand it is hard to obey.  Showing them our faults, and our own need to seek God's forgiveness.  Discipline is coming to our children and walking the path with them to help teach them to choose obedience over our selfish desires.

I found Grace Driscoll's article Godly Mother: Discipline can be Painful to be an encouragement when I read it the other day.  I hope you also find it to be an encouragement to continue seeking God's best for our children by teaching them to deny themselves and seek God's truth.

Intentional Prayer

While attending college, my husband and I both took a class on prayer.  The summer after that class I taught the lessons to my children's church class.  However, since then the vital truths and lessons I learned in that class have been neglected and set aside for what I "thought" were more important things like cleaning, laundry, cooking.  Now, as the Lord has been working in my life, I see how wrong I was to let these lessons fall away. 

This year, one of our goals as a couple is to be intentional in teaching our children how to pray.  We want to teach them that prayer isn't just a routine we go through before we eat, before we sleep, and when we disobey.  We want them to develop a lifestyle of prayer.

Last summer I read a book about a monk named Brother Andrew and how he took every moment and every event as an opportunity to talk with God - he didn't need a special place, or perfect quiet, just a heart felt desire to communicate with God.

Today MoneySavingMom linked up to a post at When You Rise sharing seven printable prayer cards she created to post around the house to pray aloud in the presence of our children.  I think it is so important that our children hear us praying even when we are not specifically praying with them. 

This morning as I was completing my Bible reading, I shooed my son away with the statement, go play in your room so I can read in quiet.  Oh, how wrong I was to push him away instead of allowing him to observe and realize how important the Scripture is and how vital it is to not allow the little distractions to push us away from communing with our Father.

A Clean Slate 2012

I once heard the analogy that our lives are a book to be written, and each year a new chapter.  Last night ended one chapter of my life, and today I start writing a new chapter.  However, the beauty about life verses writing a book is that each chapter need not progress the story as the last chapter did.  The failures I had last year need not reoccur this year (although many of them probably will be default).

One thing I love about this analogy is that by the end of the book, hopefully the lead character of the story will have changed from me as an individual to the person of Jesus Christ.  For the past thirty something years I have lived primarily for myself, what makes me feel good, what I like to do, and not entirely focused on Christ.  Yet, each year as my story progresses I begin to hand over the leading role more and more to my Lord.


You see, my life should have nothing to do with me.  My life should be nothing more than a conduit (like an electrical wire) for the power of the Holy Spirit to work through me.  I am to be the hands, feet, and mouth for my Savior.  Exclaiming His greatness!  Sharing His Gospel, and passing on His love to those about me.


My plan this year is to read through the Bible four times - This should take no more than about an hour a day to accomplish.  I also plan to have my oldest daughter read through the Bible this year.  I am going to give her the same reading schedule I will be reading so we can discuss what we read.  My younger children will be reading/listening to the Day by Day Kids Bible (as none of them are proficient readers yet).

We are also reading the Daily Light at Breakfast and Supper each day.  I was given this wonderful gem years ago when I graduated from high school by a family that has had a huge impact on teaching me what it means to give everything to the service of the King.  They also taught me how to study my Bible and how to love those around me.  The sad thing is that I never really paid much attention to this gem until my MIL was here last year.  She had been reading it during her visit and was so excited about it.  She brought it to us, and as we read the Scripture compilations, we realized how wonderful this would be in helping us to pass on a love for the Scriptures to our children.

Anyways, my prayer for this year is to cultivate a love and passion for God's Word in my children.  But to do that, I must plant and cultivate and care for that passion in my own heart.  I pray that at the end of this chapter I can look back and say wow, God's Word is EVERYTHING to me.


What do you plan to have written in your chapter this year?




*Just a side note - right now I hear my six year old stumbling through the words of the Day by Day Bible and the sound of it is so precious.

The Horrors of Being a Task Oriented Person

I did something horrible last week. My girls were excited, they were going to be spending an entire day and night at a friends house while Daddy and I spent a special day with their brothers.  The boys were excited to go see Cars 2, and we were thrilled to be able to give them some personal time.  Everything was going to be great!

Early in the morning (before their friend was even awake), I dropped the girls off.  They had everything they needed.  I said goodbye, and climbed back in the car to head home and pick up the rest of the family.  Before I pulled out of the driveway I saw my youngest at the door.  I poked my head out and asked if she needed anything.  She walked away from the door, and despite the feeling in my stomach that I should go to her, I pulled out of the driveway and headed home. 

I was so focused on the task of dropping the girls off and picking up my boys that I didn't even realize that I left the girls without giving them hugs, kisses, or even saying I LOVE YOU! 

By the time I got home, I realized what I had done.  The girls were now fifteen minutes away, and we were going to be driving several hours away with the boys.  I ended up spending the day in prayer -- praying that God would keep us safe so I could get back home to my girls to hug, kiss them, and tell them I LOVE YOU!

Yes, I had a wonderful time with my boys, but I can't tell you how thankful I was to get back home safely.  You see, I am very much a task oriented person.  While this does allow me to get a lot of things accomplished in a short amount of time, it destroys one of the most important things in life - Relationships.  Unfortunately, I had to ruin a wonderful day with anxiety all because I was more task focused the relationally focused.  I pray the Lord will help me to remember when I need to set the task aside and focus on the relationship that needs to be built.  We were put here on earth for a relationship with God.  This itself should be enough to remind me to focus on God and people and not on tasks.

I don't think my girls really even noticed, but next time I hope I will stop and remember to express my love.

Just a side:  The girls did enjoy the hugging, tickle fest they received when we got back home!

Seeking the Kingdom

At the end of the day, what is important?  So much happens everyday, and I pray that I am training my kids in a way that brings glory to God.  Everyday I fail.  I fail as a parent, and I fail as a child of God.  But, I must be willing to acknowledge the mistakes, and the sin.  I must confess before God; and when necessary, I must seek forgiveness from my children.

Seeking the kingdom of God first and foremost is not easy.  In fact, I would say in today's day it is one of the most difficult things we can do.  Sports, Education, Entertainment, Intelligence, Money, Recreation, all of it quickly crowds out the important aspects every day.  Ultimately, does it matter if my child gets an A on the test?  Does it matter if my child can hit the baseball?  Does it even matter if my house is perfectly clean and presentable 100% of the time?  No, what matters is that I teach my children to do all things without murmuring and complaining.  That my children learn the value of sharing the Gospel with their friends and neighbors.  That my children learn to have compassion on those less fortunate, and choose not to judge those who don't behave exactly as they do.  What matters is that I live a life pleasing to God and make the most of every moment and every opportunity to teach my children about God.

Each and every morning, as I exit my bed I need to challenge myself to be with my children and train them not by words, but by example.  The day is half over, and what have I taught my children today?  Have I taught them of God's love? or have I told them the computer, or television, or book I'm reading is more important?  Am I stressing a passion for God's Word or a passion for the adventure in a piece of fiction?  Every word I say and every move I make is being watched and heard.  What are they learning today?

Preparing for Sunday: Wednesday

Today is a great day to have a chapel service with your children to help them remember the proper behavior they are to have in church.  With the wealth of sermons available on the Internet (do be wise in what sermon you choose -- choose a preacher you know preaches the gospel message correctly), it is easy to find a new sermon each week to listen to.

After you have chosen a sermon to listen to, sit your children down on the couch, or around the table, and explain to them what you are going to do.  I like to sit my kids beside me on the couch to "practice how we are going to sit in church.  They are each given a Bible, a notebook, and a pencil.  Have a time of singing together where they can join in on the singing with you (just like they would do during the service).  Have a time of prayer.  Take a moment to reexplain how they are to sit with explanation of how discipline will be issued (just as you would do on Sunday's).  For example, my six year old knows how to sit quietly and keep her hands to herself. However, she rarely behaves in church and she knows punishment will be waiting for her at home.  I am not promoting that you discipline your one year old for squirming (for example, a couple weeks ago, my husband mentioned the rooster crow in a sermon.  My two year old promptly added er er ererrrrrrrrrrrr -- I promptly tried to shush him, but was pleased that he was at least listening on occasion).

Mom, sit down with your children and your Bible-- remember, we are to set the example.  I suggest using a note card for taking notes (it's easier to slip into your Bible if you have to deal with  a child).  Begin the sermon, and if any of the kids begin to act up, you can pause the message and deal with the situation.  Sit back down and return to listening to the sermon.  If you are doing this for the first time, you can progressively work your way up to an entire sermon -- Start with 15 minutes of sitting, and work your way up to the full 45 - 75 minutes of sitting still.  If you can train your children to sit quietly and listen to a sermon now you will be blessed when they are older, and in other situations when they need to know how to sit quietly and attentively. If they know how to write start off by having them pick out words and write the words, then progress to sentences, and continue progressing until they can take notes on the sermon.  If they don't know how to write, have them draw pictures of words they hear, or copy the words you write in your notes.

This is a training session.  If your children need more work in preparation for Sunday's, maybe a practice session every other day would be helpful.  You set the pace.  Don't become upset or angry that your kids are not letting you hear a complete sermon.  Instead, rejoice in the tidbits that you are able to grasp and focus on the training aspect.  Eventually you will be able to focus on the preaching again, but for this season of our lives, God has granted us the task of teaching our children to have a passion for God.

Contentment

We have been discussing contentment frequently in our home.  Amongst my children, the discussion revolves around being content with what is served during mealtime, contentment and gratitude for the toys and books that we already have, and contentment with the activities that we are able to do as a family. 

As a reminder to myself, I have been working on having a spirit of contentment with what God has given us, and the ministry we have been placed into.  This afternoon as I was scrolling through the blogs I follow, I came upon A Holy Experience.  Ann Voskamp published a post today entitled

How to {help} Raise Grateful Kids

I love the wonderful ideas she posts about how to instill gratefulness in our children.  She included several ideas I plan to begin implementing into our daily routine.  I especially appreciate the idea of having the children each write out what they are thankful for each day on a post it note and placing it on the window (although I might use the wall instead).

I would love to hear your ideas about teaching gratefulness to children (and to yourself).

Today I am grateful for:

1. The sunshine so I can get out and weed my flowerbeds.

2. The beautiful blossoms on the fruit trees giving hope for delicious fruit later this year.

3. My adoring husband who gives his adoration freely when I am so undeserving.

4. The amazing technology that can bring people together (when used properly).

5. The daily encouragement and joy I find in the presence of my Lord each day.

6. Five beautiful and healthy children

7. The blessing of spiritual mentors both nearby and far away.

8. Godly parents who support our family in our journey of parenthood and ministry.

9. The daffodills that grace my kitchen table (with thanks to my neighbor for allowing my daughter to pick them).

10. For nap time which gives me a few minutes to sit down and refresh before heading to the next task on the list.

11. For the ability to work and care for my amazing family.

I could go on, but I will continue this list another day.  Now, please share below what you are thankful for today.

Creating Dates

I love dating my husband.  We love going out just the two of us and enjoying dinner and some other activity (bowling, mini golf, window shopping).  However, dates - at least the way we knew them before marriage and before kids - are very few and far between (I'm talking months between).  So few dates are not good for a marriage - we still need to get to know each other and communicate with one another.

Here comes the fun part. We have become creative with our dating.  With five young kids, hiring two teenagers can get expensive, and swapping babysitting with another family is difficult because I would have to find two or three families to swap with who would all be available on the same night (a five to one or two ratio is not fair to the other family on a regular basis).

We have started meeting once a week for a financial date.  After the kids go to bed, we sit down together with the computer and determine where we are financially for the month.  This may soon become a biweekly date as we have greatly reduced our spending.  Usually after we have finished our financial discussion, we then will cuddle together and watch a movie on the computer.

Another thing we have started is turning church activities without the kids into a date.  A couple weeks ago, we attended a community pastor's appreciation banquet.  Even though we carpooled with another couple, I adjusted my thinking so it wasn't just a community function, but it was a "date" with my hubby.  It met my requirements of no children, and time spent with my husband.  No, we didn't talk as much with each other as we did with those around us, but we did get to dress up a little bit and enjoy simply being together at an adult function.

My favorite date recently was at the hospital when our baby was born.  We allowed him to be taken care of in the nursery while we enjoyed a quiet dinner together on our anniversary. Sitting at a table with a steak dinner in hospital garb a few hours after giving birth will go down as a memorable anniversary date!

What are some ways you have sneaked in a date with your husband lately?

Fleshing out the Scripture

Parenting can be full of hard choices.  As parents in America, we are bombarded with advice of all sorts coming from all directions.  Each source assuring us that they are correct and all other sources wrong.  As a Christian, we can have peace and wisdom to know how to raise our kids.  I'm not saying that we never question the decisions we make, or wonder if we should have done something differently, but I am saying that we have the Author of Wisdom to assist us in guiding and raising our children.

Deuteronomy 6:6-7 says "And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart.  You shall teach them diligently to your children."  When I read this verse a couple months ago, I was greatly convicted.  Not because we haven't been teaching our children the Scriptures, but I had not been incorporating the Scriptures into my parenting.  Our kids learn lots of verses every week for kids club and Sunday School, but we've not been teaching them the verses they needed to deal with their personal spiritual battles.

Verse 7 continues with "and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.  [v. 8] You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. [v.9] You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. [v.12] . . . lest you forget the Lord."  I was doing well with teaching my kids to memorize the Word of God, but I was not teaching them properly -- I was not holding the Word of God out before them as the source of wisdom.  I was not teaching them to change their ways by use of the Scriptures.

Let me explain, with four young kids we do have our share of fights and gimmies, and accusations of the sibling taking "my" toy, pencil, you name it they accuse it.  As a family, we have been memorizing I Corinthians 13:1-8a.  Now, when my kids are fighting, I have them recite as much of the passage as they have learned (each of the kids).  Then, after they all have recited their verses, they are asked the question - "What can you do to show love to _______."  After all parties involved in the fight answer the question, I give them each a choice -- You can choose to obey the Scriptures and show love to _______, or you can choose your own wicked way and choose to show hate to __________.  When my kids have been confronted with their actions, they have responded by finding ways to work together and share.

I do want to clarify, that my three older children have each made a profession of faith.  So they do have the convicting power of the Holy Spirit working in their hearts when they are confronted with their sins.

My toddler?  He is another story.  We are working on teaching him the Scripture verses as well, but he is not yet at the position of being able to make the choice.  We go through the process for him, and then we make the decision "To show love to _________ you need to let him play with the toy."

Some of the other passages we are using include

Psalm 19:14 -- when our one child loses control of her emotions and throws fits.

Acts 20:35 -- when another child struggles with selfish thoughts and has the gimmies instead of the givings

I would suggest with young children you focus on one key character or discipline issue at a time until they have the Scripture passage memorized and show evidence of being able to implement the Scripture in their lives.  Then pray about the next character quality to work on in the child's life.  You will be returning to the previous issues, but it helps to give the kids a foundation -- especially when first starting out -- This will also help you as a parent to not become overwhelmed.

I strongly recommend the book Proverbs for Parenting: A Topical Guide for Child Raising from the Book of Proverbs.