My heart is breaking right now. Not over my own family, but over the pain of divorce. I have heard many women express the idea that they will never face the pain of divorce. My heart breaks that they are foolish to think it will never happen to them. The Bible is so clear that we women are to honor and respect our husbands, and that our husband's are to love us. Yet, this feat alone is difficult -- Not all the time, but it requires a continuous work on both parties.
I just received an e-mail telling me of a woman who left her pastor husband a short time ago. I think as pastor wives, it is so easy at times to think "My husband will never leave me, it would destroy his ministry." Yet, everyday in our country, pastor families are being broken up because of sin. Maybe the husband has been sucked into pornography or adultery, maybe the wife has felt neglected and begun an emotional affair with another man. Women, it is critical that we daily live to love and adore our husbands. Yes it is hard. There are days I can be so mad at my husband I just want to go lock him out of the bedroom. But this response is neither healthy or Biblical. By denying our husbands our love and understanding, we chase them away. I am not saying that their responses or actions are justified: I am not responsible for my husband's behavior. I will stand before God responsible for my own actions and attitudes.
Maybe you feel neglected. Sometimes the family can take a back seat to the ministry. I beg of you set up guards and rules for yourself. Don't allow yourself to fall apart or seek understanding in another man.
When my husband and I first got married, we discussed some guidelines to help protect our marriage:
Some of the rules set up for myself include: Not sending an e-mail to a man without my husband's reading it first. I don't allow a man in the house unless my husband is present (sometimes exceptions are made for the repair man, piano tuner, or other service personnel -- but never for a church member or other friend). We also have set up a standard that we always pray together before we go to sleep and share a kiss goodnight. This means if we are upset with each other we must work it out first.
For my husband, he never drives a woman somewhere without me or one of our older children present (the one exception is an older woman in the church who sometimes needs a ride to church or a doctor's appointment). If the need arises that he does need to drive a woman somewhere (ie. he's coming home and it's pouring down rain on someone) he will either offer her the car to drive herself and he'll walk or he'll ask her to ride in the back seat -- this is also to help avoid wagging tongues in a small community. He never drives the babysitter home by himself nor any other young girl. If our daughters have friends over, I must be home also.
Please understand, not all of these guidelines have been put in place for the sole protection of our marriage. Many of them have also been put in place so there can be no accusations made against my husband's integrity as a pastor. Women, in our nation today it is vital that we seek to protect our husbands. I have known people to make a false allegation simply because they do not like their pastor and want to severely harm them (I'm not saying all allegations are false -- I understand the majority of accusations are true).
I remember as a young girl, a woman in our church was seeking to entrap my father -- she was continuously flirting with my father and trying to become emotionally involved with him. My father, a pastor, was not aware of what she was doing, however it was very clear to my mother, grandmother, and even myself.
What are some guidelines or helpful things that you and your husband have established to protect your marriage?
