Keeping my thoughts silent

He was hurt, extremely hurt.  I don't think the deacon that criticized the sermon realized just how much pain he inflicted.  Weekly I watch my husband pray and toil for several hours over each sermon he prepares.  His prayer is that every word he speaks behind the pulpit is that which God would have him speak.  Yet, at that very moment I could see my husband's dreams begin to crumble.  All because of words unfitly spoken.

In that moment, I saw what my words have done to my husband.  No, I didn't criticize my husband's sermon - this week.  I know I have spoken unfit words to my husband, and I imagine that it crushed his spirit much more than this man's words have.  Sunday, I learned that I have an important role in my husband's life.  My role is not to help him "improve" his sermons.  My role is not to disagree or correct what he says.  My role is to love him, to encourage him, and to PRAISE him for the blessing his sermon was to my heart. 

Sunday night, as I sat in the pew with four very disobedient hearts (they all chose the same service to act up in), I fought with my mind to try to glean one aspect of the sermon that I could praise him for.  Fighting my tears and the desire to pack up all the children, quietly sneak out of the service and take them home to put to bed, I sat and listened, and I prayed.  I prayed that the Lord would clear my thoughts of the desire to flee, and give me a heart for these people who try so hard to distance themselves.  I prayed that the Lord would silence my thoughts of lonliness and help me to realize my husband is even more lonely.  I prayed that the Lord would free me of my discouragement so I could be the encourager my husband needs.

I can't promise that I won't ever utter a word unfitly spoken - I am after all nothing more than a sinner saved by God's wonderous grace.  But I am content.  God has brought us here to a hard field.  One that will not yield all the fruit we expect to yield as we plant and toil.  But just as a farmer faces good years and bad, fertile fields and stoney fields.  We will rejoice.  For though we labor, God will bring the increase.  My job is not to reign over my husband but to stand beside him and encourage him.

My goal is to speak words of praise to my husband so that next time his sermon is criticized, he will have peace knowing that when he comes home his wife will encourage and love him.