A Heavy Weight

I look upon the peach tree heavy laden with fruit.  Its branches dipping down to the ground, weighted by the fruit.  I can't help but wonder if its branches will snap under the weight of the fruit, or if it can bear the weight for a few more days as it finishes ripening.  I pick a few unripened peaches hoping to give the tree some relief.

Looking at those peaches on the counter this morning, I wonder if I should have left them on the tree.  They would have ripened better and produced a sweeter taste than they will produce by ripening in the house.  I was hasty, I should have known the tree could handle the weight of the fruit.

How often do I try to unload the weight of my struggles upon my husband?  The answer to that is all too frequently.  God created me to be a helpmeet to my husband.  To help bear his struggles, not for him to bear mine.  God promises in his word that he will not force me to bear any burden that He will not also give me the strength to carry through.  I broke, today, I spoke hastily out of tiredness.  My branches broke because I had not given them the support they needed or the nourishment from God's Word that was necessary to bear the weight.

Life is not a burden, my children are not burdens, but when I neglect to drink of the living water daily and bask in the glory of God, I can not produce the sweet fruit that others long to taste. 

Looking at the peach tree, with it's fruit almost ripe, I can almost taste the peach and feel the juice dripping down my chin.  Yes, I am eager to taste of the fruit of this tree.  Are others eager to taste of the fruit of Christ's salvation by what they see growing in my life?

Keeping my thoughts silent

He was hurt, extremely hurt.  I don't think the deacon that criticized the sermon realized just how much pain he inflicted.  Weekly I watch my husband pray and toil for several hours over each sermon he prepares.  His prayer is that every word he speaks behind the pulpit is that which God would have him speak.  Yet, at that very moment I could see my husband's dreams begin to crumble.  All because of words unfitly spoken.

In that moment, I saw what my words have done to my husband.  No, I didn't criticize my husband's sermon - this week.  I know I have spoken unfit words to my husband, and I imagine that it crushed his spirit much more than this man's words have.  Sunday, I learned that I have an important role in my husband's life.  My role is not to help him "improve" his sermons.  My role is not to disagree or correct what he says.  My role is to love him, to encourage him, and to PRAISE him for the blessing his sermon was to my heart. 

Sunday night, as I sat in the pew with four very disobedient hearts (they all chose the same service to act up in), I fought with my mind to try to glean one aspect of the sermon that I could praise him for.  Fighting my tears and the desire to pack up all the children, quietly sneak out of the service and take them home to put to bed, I sat and listened, and I prayed.  I prayed that the Lord would clear my thoughts of the desire to flee, and give me a heart for these people who try so hard to distance themselves.  I prayed that the Lord would silence my thoughts of lonliness and help me to realize my husband is even more lonely.  I prayed that the Lord would free me of my discouragement so I could be the encourager my husband needs.

I can't promise that I won't ever utter a word unfitly spoken - I am after all nothing more than a sinner saved by God's wonderous grace.  But I am content.  God has brought us here to a hard field.  One that will not yield all the fruit we expect to yield as we plant and toil.  But just as a farmer faces good years and bad, fertile fields and stoney fields.  We will rejoice.  For though we labor, God will bring the increase.  My job is not to reign over my husband but to stand beside him and encourage him.

My goal is to speak words of praise to my husband so that next time his sermon is criticized, he will have peace knowing that when he comes home his wife will encourage and love him.

Breaking Down the Walls

Do you know what this picture is?  This is a portion of the Berlin Wall that still stands today.  I rejoice that the Berlin Wall no longer divides Germany as it did for so many years.  However, there is a serious wall that we as Christian Women often need to face and break down.

This wall is a serious wall that can be the cause of destroying our personal ministry to the women in our churches, and it can also destroy my husband's ministry.  This wall is the Wall of Depression.

Depression takes on many forms at many different levels.  The easiest wall to climb over is the wall of discouragement.  We can quickly go to God's Word and find encouragement to meet the challenges of the day.  Discouragement usually does not last very long if my first response is to turn over to God.  I face discouragement because I create an expectation of how something should be done, or results something should give.  When the outcome does not meet my expectation, I am overwhelmed by discouragement.  As wives, we need to remember that our job in the ministry is not to produce the outcome of growing our churches or forcing salvation upon others.  This is not even the job of our Pastor Husbands.  The outcome belongs to the Lord.  My job as a wife is to support my husband and care for my family, and assist in ministering to the needs of the church as much as I am able (or are permitted by the church members -- obviously, if they don't tell you about a need it's difficult to minister).

From this point on, depression takes on more serious forms and the walls are harder to break down.  The symptoms of depression range from always being exhausted, to a constant sadness, to suicidal thoughts.  However, the source remains the same -- Selfish thinking because our expectations are not being met. 

In the ministry, I discovered that I have a lot of expectations.  I expect the church members to be as excited as we are about a ministry opportunity.  I expect the church to work together on repairs that need to be done.  I expect the people to stay awake and listen to the wonderful sermon my husband has prepared.  I expected my children to sit quietly through the church service.  When these expectations aren't met, discouragement sets in.  If the initial discouragement is not dealt with, the next missed expectation causes me to sink deeper until I eventually find myself wallowing in the pit of despair.

Ever since I was in elementary school I have battled with depression.  I can remember walking home in junior high and praying for Christ to return right away because I just knew I wouldn't survive another day.  Suicide was a recurring thought, but I knew it was sinful.  I remember one night in high school consuming nearly an entire bottle of pain killers.

As I contemplated that weekend, it wasn't a matter of feeling pain as much as it was being overwhelmed with loneliness (caused by unmet expectations).  I knew with each pill I swallowed that I was drowning myself in selfishness.

Fast forward about fifteen years.  Loneliness is still a struggle for me.  However, my bouts of depression have been fewer and shorter.  My most recent struggle lasted only three days.  This realization has caused me to examine why.

We serve an awesome God, and I know that it is his grace, compassion, and gospel that has lifted me from the pit of despondency.  With five little ones clamouring for attention, I have very little time for pity parties.  Plus, when I do throw a pity party, it doesn't take long to see another one in my family having his/her own party.

This morning my scripture reading included "The sins of the father's will be visited upon the third and fourth generation." I do not want my children wallowing in despair as I wasted much of my childhood doing.

When depressed we often prefer to sleep in and stay inside.  We waste away by either reading a book or mindlessly watching a movie or television.  All of these are the wrong response to depression as they only cause us to sink further into the bog of self-pity.

When I am busy studying God's Word, serving others, sharing the Gospel of Christ, I no longer focus on my own perceived needs and expectations.  Instead, I focus on how I can meet the needs of others.

Next time you find yourself beginning to step into the pit of despair, turn your mourning into joy.  Praise the Lord that you are not responsible for the reactions and responses of others.  Praise God for the opportunity to minister for Him.  Put on some Godly praise music and sing praises to God.  Remember his grace, His mercy. Remember how awesome our God is!

Sometimes depression comes because we have forgotten how awesome God IS!!!

Creating Dates

I love dating my husband.  We love going out just the two of us and enjoying dinner and some other activity (bowling, mini golf, window shopping).  However, dates - at least the way we knew them before marriage and before kids - are very few and far between (I'm talking months between).  So few dates are not good for a marriage - we still need to get to know each other and communicate with one another.

Here comes the fun part. We have become creative with our dating.  With five young kids, hiring two teenagers can get expensive, and swapping babysitting with another family is difficult because I would have to find two or three families to swap with who would all be available on the same night (a five to one or two ratio is not fair to the other family on a regular basis).

We have started meeting once a week for a financial date.  After the kids go to bed, we sit down together with the computer and determine where we are financially for the month.  This may soon become a biweekly date as we have greatly reduced our spending.  Usually after we have finished our financial discussion, we then will cuddle together and watch a movie on the computer.

Another thing we have started is turning church activities without the kids into a date.  A couple weeks ago, we attended a community pastor's appreciation banquet.  Even though we carpooled with another couple, I adjusted my thinking so it wasn't just a community function, but it was a "date" with my hubby.  It met my requirements of no children, and time spent with my husband.  No, we didn't talk as much with each other as we did with those around us, but we did get to dress up a little bit and enjoy simply being together at an adult function.

My favorite date recently was at the hospital when our baby was born.  We allowed him to be taken care of in the nursery while we enjoyed a quiet dinner together on our anniversary. Sitting at a table with a steak dinner in hospital garb a few hours after giving birth will go down as a memorable anniversary date!

What are some ways you have sneaked in a date with your husband lately?