Breaking Down the Walls

Do you know what this picture is?  This is a portion of the Berlin Wall that still stands today.  I rejoice that the Berlin Wall no longer divides Germany as it did for so many years.  However, there is a serious wall that we as Christian Women often need to face and break down.

This wall is a serious wall that can be the cause of destroying our personal ministry to the women in our churches, and it can also destroy my husband's ministry.  This wall is the Wall of Depression.

Depression takes on many forms at many different levels.  The easiest wall to climb over is the wall of discouragement.  We can quickly go to God's Word and find encouragement to meet the challenges of the day.  Discouragement usually does not last very long if my first response is to turn over to God.  I face discouragement because I create an expectation of how something should be done, or results something should give.  When the outcome does not meet my expectation, I am overwhelmed by discouragement.  As wives, we need to remember that our job in the ministry is not to produce the outcome of growing our churches or forcing salvation upon others.  This is not even the job of our Pastor Husbands.  The outcome belongs to the Lord.  My job as a wife is to support my husband and care for my family, and assist in ministering to the needs of the church as much as I am able (or are permitted by the church members -- obviously, if they don't tell you about a need it's difficult to minister).

From this point on, depression takes on more serious forms and the walls are harder to break down.  The symptoms of depression range from always being exhausted, to a constant sadness, to suicidal thoughts.  However, the source remains the same -- Selfish thinking because our expectations are not being met. 

In the ministry, I discovered that I have a lot of expectations.  I expect the church members to be as excited as we are about a ministry opportunity.  I expect the church to work together on repairs that need to be done.  I expect the people to stay awake and listen to the wonderful sermon my husband has prepared.  I expected my children to sit quietly through the church service.  When these expectations aren't met, discouragement sets in.  If the initial discouragement is not dealt with, the next missed expectation causes me to sink deeper until I eventually find myself wallowing in the pit of despair.

Ever since I was in elementary school I have battled with depression.  I can remember walking home in junior high and praying for Christ to return right away because I just knew I wouldn't survive another day.  Suicide was a recurring thought, but I knew it was sinful.  I remember one night in high school consuming nearly an entire bottle of pain killers.

As I contemplated that weekend, it wasn't a matter of feeling pain as much as it was being overwhelmed with loneliness (caused by unmet expectations).  I knew with each pill I swallowed that I was drowning myself in selfishness.

Fast forward about fifteen years.  Loneliness is still a struggle for me.  However, my bouts of depression have been fewer and shorter.  My most recent struggle lasted only three days.  This realization has caused me to examine why.

We serve an awesome God, and I know that it is his grace, compassion, and gospel that has lifted me from the pit of despondency.  With five little ones clamouring for attention, I have very little time for pity parties.  Plus, when I do throw a pity party, it doesn't take long to see another one in my family having his/her own party.

This morning my scripture reading included "The sins of the father's will be visited upon the third and fourth generation." I do not want my children wallowing in despair as I wasted much of my childhood doing.

When depressed we often prefer to sleep in and stay inside.  We waste away by either reading a book or mindlessly watching a movie or television.  All of these are the wrong response to depression as they only cause us to sink further into the bog of self-pity.

When I am busy studying God's Word, serving others, sharing the Gospel of Christ, I no longer focus on my own perceived needs and expectations.  Instead, I focus on how I can meet the needs of others.

Next time you find yourself beginning to step into the pit of despair, turn your mourning into joy.  Praise the Lord that you are not responsible for the reactions and responses of others.  Praise God for the opportunity to minister for Him.  Put on some Godly praise music and sing praises to God.  Remember his grace, His mercy. Remember how awesome our God is!

Sometimes depression comes because we have forgotten how awesome God IS!!!