I Don't Want This

As I sat in the service tonight, I listened to the speaker.  As he spoke about sharing the gospel, he included not understanding why Christians suffered more than unbelievers.  He discussed how he wasn't sure if we were invaded and threatened with death if he would stand strong. He shared how he lived his life praying that God would give him the opportunity to share the gospel without offending someone.

As I listened to him speak, I realized that I don't want to live my life in that way - Just going through life like everyone else and every now and then telling someone about Jesus.  I don't want to live my life without suffering for Christ (not that I enjoy suffering).  I don't want to have a life so full of NORMAL and satisfaction.  I don't want to be satisfied with the American norm.

I want to live my life in such a way that if Christianity were outlawed, my house would be the first on their list.  My Savior did not live the life of comfort that I now live.  He did not live to make friends.  He lived to make disciples.  How can I desire to live a life better than my Savior's?

As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love. If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father's commandments, and abide in his love. These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full. This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you. Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you. Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you. Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you. These things I command you, that ye love one another. If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you. If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you. Remember the word that I said unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord. If they have persecuted me, they will also persecute you; if they have kept my saying, they will keep yours also. But all these things will they do unto you for my name's sake, because they know not him that sent me.
John 15:9-21

When your husband goes unappreciated.

October has been a rough and busy month for our family.  I have been forced to redirect my focus more frequently than usual.  Yet, God is so amazing, and so wonderful - He IS Faithful.

Many pastors have received an outpouring of love from their churches as this past month has been deemed pastor's appreciation month. 

What I am writing today is to encourage those women who don't feel their husband's are being appreciated by the church family.

Each church is different - in the makeup of the congregation you may have a younger generational church, an older generation, or a mixture.  You may have a church of seasoned churchgoers, or you may be a relatively young church with new believers excited about God and what He is doing in their lives.

As I have heard and read from pastor's wives how their churches have showered them with gifts and love, I have had to bite my tongue to not become resentful towards my church.  You see, some weeks I may think that our church is nothing more than a group of bench warmers.  Now, I know this is not entirely true, but my church is made up of elderly men and women.  Most of whom feel their church lives and normal lives are not connected.  This is not only hard to minister to them, but we don't feel like a family.  There are many weeks I come home feeling that my husband is unappreciated by the church.  I question why are we here when the church seems so cold.  Yet, even as I begin to think those thoughts I know these thoughts are sinful.  I have to change them.

You see, to be truly ministering for the Lord means that we minister in love to the unlovable.  I am the unlovable and yet God in his great mercy loved me. We don't serve in the church to be loved and appreciated by the church.  My husband is an amazing man.  He is like a walking Bible - seriously, he can locate almost any passage. He loves God's word, and more than anyone I think he truly understands the power of God's Word.  That means sometimes we may minister as the prophets Isaiah and Jeremiah - to a people unwilling to hear and to respond; but we don't minister because we want them to behave a certain way or love us a certain way.  We minister to glorify God and to obey God - even when the service seemingly goes unnoticed.

Let me ask you this - Are you serving for the praise of man? or are you serving for God?  If you are serving for man's praise then you have your reward here in this life.  If you are serving for God - He will be faithful and strengthen you.

Even if your husband goes unappreciated by the congregation (as mine frequently does), there is still one family in your church that can shower him with love and appreciation - Yours.  What have you done this month to shower your husband with appreciation and to tell him how thankful you are for how he ministers to your family spiritually.

Why not treat your husband to a candlelight dinner after the children are in bed.  Shower him with words of gratitude for His spiritual leadership in your family.  Thank him for ministering to your own heart through his messages.

The response of the congregation has to start in the pastor's home before you can see it in the congregation.

A Heavy Weight

I look upon the peach tree heavy laden with fruit.  Its branches dipping down to the ground, weighted by the fruit.  I can't help but wonder if its branches will snap under the weight of the fruit, or if it can bear the weight for a few more days as it finishes ripening.  I pick a few unripened peaches hoping to give the tree some relief.

Looking at those peaches on the counter this morning, I wonder if I should have left them on the tree.  They would have ripened better and produced a sweeter taste than they will produce by ripening in the house.  I was hasty, I should have known the tree could handle the weight of the fruit.

How often do I try to unload the weight of my struggles upon my husband?  The answer to that is all too frequently.  God created me to be a helpmeet to my husband.  To help bear his struggles, not for him to bear mine.  God promises in his word that he will not force me to bear any burden that He will not also give me the strength to carry through.  I broke, today, I spoke hastily out of tiredness.  My branches broke because I had not given them the support they needed or the nourishment from God's Word that was necessary to bear the weight.

Life is not a burden, my children are not burdens, but when I neglect to drink of the living water daily and bask in the glory of God, I can not produce the sweet fruit that others long to taste. 

Looking at the peach tree, with it's fruit almost ripe, I can almost taste the peach and feel the juice dripping down my chin.  Yes, I am eager to taste of the fruit of this tree.  Are others eager to taste of the fruit of Christ's salvation by what they see growing in my life?

The Practice of the Presence of God

One of the many areas I need to improve in my life is being constantly aware of the Presence of God.  Brother Lawrence was a monk who desired to spend every moment in constant fellowship with God. Here are a few quotes from Brother Lawrence that I found helpful in my journey.  These quotes come from the book The Practice of the Presence of God with Spiritual Maxims.

"In the beginning of his novitiate he spent the hours appointed for private prayer in thinking of God, so as to convince his mind of, and to impress deeply upon his heart, the divine existence, rather by devout sentiments, and submission to the lights of faith, than by studied reasonings and elaborate meditations." (p. 28)

Instead of studing Scripture to grasp some big theological issue, Brother Lawrance spent his time on studying who God is, and filling his thoughts with the character of God.  When spending daily time in prayer, we can so easily get distracted by interpreting and understanding different passages, that we often fail to notice how God is revealing himself in the passage. 

Brother Lawrence also chose to focuse on conversing with God rather than elaborate prayers. I am sure we have all experienced praying with women who have prayed for show rather than out of a sincere fervancy to commune with God.

"he exercised himself in the knowledge and love of God, resolving to use his utmost endeavor to line in a continual sense of His presence, and, if possible never to forget Him more." (p. 29)

I wish I could say that I exercised myself in the knowledge and love of God that I was never pulled away from the continuous thought of my Awesome God.  Yet, for me personally, when I go about my daily tasks, I am often pulled away from meditation on God and my thoughts turn towards my present endeavors.

I will share more at another time, but here are some small tidbits to chew on.  I would love to hear how you focus your mind and thoughts to continually focus on God.

The Horrors of Being a Task Oriented Person

I did something horrible last week. My girls were excited, they were going to be spending an entire day and night at a friends house while Daddy and I spent a special day with their brothers.  The boys were excited to go see Cars 2, and we were thrilled to be able to give them some personal time.  Everything was going to be great!

Early in the morning (before their friend was even awake), I dropped the girls off.  They had everything they needed.  I said goodbye, and climbed back in the car to head home and pick up the rest of the family.  Before I pulled out of the driveway I saw my youngest at the door.  I poked my head out and asked if she needed anything.  She walked away from the door, and despite the feeling in my stomach that I should go to her, I pulled out of the driveway and headed home. 

I was so focused on the task of dropping the girls off and picking up my boys that I didn't even realize that I left the girls without giving them hugs, kisses, or even saying I LOVE YOU! 

By the time I got home, I realized what I had done.  The girls were now fifteen minutes away, and we were going to be driving several hours away with the boys.  I ended up spending the day in prayer -- praying that God would keep us safe so I could get back home to my girls to hug, kiss them, and tell them I LOVE YOU!

Yes, I had a wonderful time with my boys, but I can't tell you how thankful I was to get back home safely.  You see, I am very much a task oriented person.  While this does allow me to get a lot of things accomplished in a short amount of time, it destroys one of the most important things in life - Relationships.  Unfortunately, I had to ruin a wonderful day with anxiety all because I was more task focused the relationally focused.  I pray the Lord will help me to remember when I need to set the task aside and focus on the relationship that needs to be built.  We were put here on earth for a relationship with God.  This itself should be enough to remind me to focus on God and people and not on tasks.

I don't think my girls really even noticed, but next time I hope I will stop and remember to express my love.

Just a side:  The girls did enjoy the hugging, tickle fest they received when we got back home!

Abundance of Blessings

26. The gift of a beautiful piano
27. Tomatoes ripening from the garden
28. Discussing with my children the Nativity Movie
29. Watching two little boys sword fight
30. Vacation Bible School
31. Teaching my kids to play Uno
32. Playing uno with a two year old -- Gives you plenty of laughs
33. Four children crammed into a toddler pool jumping and splashing
34. The ability to water my garden with a hose instead of hauling water by the bucket full
35. Precious time spent with distant family
36. Baking with my oldest
37. Rainchecks!
38. A special date with my husband
39. Listening to my daughter practice music
40. A running air conditioner during the heat of summer

God gives us so many blessings and gifts.  Everyday I am thankful for the precious blessings He has placed in my hands.

Thank you Father for teaching me to love.

Keeping my thoughts silent

He was hurt, extremely hurt.  I don't think the deacon that criticized the sermon realized just how much pain he inflicted.  Weekly I watch my husband pray and toil for several hours over each sermon he prepares.  His prayer is that every word he speaks behind the pulpit is that which God would have him speak.  Yet, at that very moment I could see my husband's dreams begin to crumble.  All because of words unfitly spoken.

In that moment, I saw what my words have done to my husband.  No, I didn't criticize my husband's sermon - this week.  I know I have spoken unfit words to my husband, and I imagine that it crushed his spirit much more than this man's words have.  Sunday, I learned that I have an important role in my husband's life.  My role is not to help him "improve" his sermons.  My role is not to disagree or correct what he says.  My role is to love him, to encourage him, and to PRAISE him for the blessing his sermon was to my heart. 

Sunday night, as I sat in the pew with four very disobedient hearts (they all chose the same service to act up in), I fought with my mind to try to glean one aspect of the sermon that I could praise him for.  Fighting my tears and the desire to pack up all the children, quietly sneak out of the service and take them home to put to bed, I sat and listened, and I prayed.  I prayed that the Lord would clear my thoughts of the desire to flee, and give me a heart for these people who try so hard to distance themselves.  I prayed that the Lord would silence my thoughts of lonliness and help me to realize my husband is even more lonely.  I prayed that the Lord would free me of my discouragement so I could be the encourager my husband needs.

I can't promise that I won't ever utter a word unfitly spoken - I am after all nothing more than a sinner saved by God's wonderous grace.  But I am content.  God has brought us here to a hard field.  One that will not yield all the fruit we expect to yield as we plant and toil.  But just as a farmer faces good years and bad, fertile fields and stoney fields.  We will rejoice.  For though we labor, God will bring the increase.  My job is not to reign over my husband but to stand beside him and encourage him.

My goal is to speak words of praise to my husband so that next time his sermon is criticized, he will have peace knowing that when he comes home his wife will encourage and love him.

It will Never Happen to Me

My heart is breaking right now.  Not over my own family, but over the pain of divorce.  I have heard many women express the idea that they will never face the pain of divorce.  My heart breaks that they are foolish to think it will never happen to them.  The Bible is so clear that we women are to honor and respect our husbands, and that our husband's are to love us.  Yet, this feat alone is difficult -- Not all the time, but it requires a continuous work on both parties.

I just received an e-mail telling me of a woman who left her pastor husband a short time ago.  I think as pastor wives, it is so easy at times to think "My husband will never leave me, it would destroy his ministry."  Yet, everyday in our country, pastor families are being broken up because of sin.  Maybe the husband has been sucked into pornography or adultery, maybe the wife has felt neglected and begun an emotional affair with another man.  Women, it is critical that we daily live to love and adore our husbands.  Yes it is hard.  There are days I can be so mad at my husband I just want to go lock him out of the bedroom.  But this response is neither healthy or Biblical.  By denying our husbands our love and understanding, we chase them away.  I am not saying that their responses or actions are justified: I am not responsible for my husband's behavior.  I will stand before God responsible for my own actions and attitudes.

Maybe you feel neglected.  Sometimes the family can take a back seat to the ministry.  I beg of you set up guards and rules for yourself.  Don't allow yourself to fall apart or seek understanding in another man. 

When my husband and I first got married, we discussed some guidelines to help protect our marriage:

Some of the rules set up for myself include:  Not sending an e-mail to a man without my husband's reading it first.  I don't allow a man in the house unless my husband is present (sometimes exceptions are made for the repair man, piano tuner, or other service personnel -- but never for a church member or other friend).  We also have set up a standard that we always pray together before we go to sleep and share a kiss goodnight.  This means if we are upset with each other we must work it out first.

For my husband, he never drives a woman somewhere without me or one of our older children present (the one exception is an older woman in the church who sometimes needs a ride to church or a doctor's appointment).  If the need arises that he does need to drive a woman somewhere (ie. he's coming home and it's pouring down rain on someone) he will either offer her the car to drive herself and he'll walk or he'll ask her to ride in the back seat -- this is also to help avoid wagging tongues in a small community.  He never drives the babysitter home by himself nor any other young girl.  If our daughters have friends over, I must be home also. 

Please understand, not all of these guidelines have been put in place for the sole protection of our marriage.  Many of them have also been put in place so there can be no accusations made against my husband's integrity as a pastor.  Women, in our nation today it is vital that we seek to protect our husbands. I have known people to make a false allegation simply because they do not like their pastor and want to severely harm them (I'm not saying all allegations are false -- I understand the majority of accusations are true).

I remember as a young girl, a woman in our church was seeking to entrap my father -- she was continuously flirting with my father and trying to become emotionally involved with him.  My father, a pastor, was not aware of what she was doing, however it was very clear to my mother, grandmother, and even myself. 

What are some guidelines or helpful things that you and your husband have established to protect your marriage?

Motherhood as a Mission Field

Do you need a simple reminder of why we  are where we are?  God has a service for me to perform right here right now.  I am so thankful for the mission field God has prepared for me.  I am only sorry I so often fail to view it as such.

Motherhood as a Mission Field

Seeking the Kingdom

At the end of the day, what is important?  So much happens everyday, and I pray that I am training my kids in a way that brings glory to God.  Everyday I fail.  I fail as a parent, and I fail as a child of God.  But, I must be willing to acknowledge the mistakes, and the sin.  I must confess before God; and when necessary, I must seek forgiveness from my children.

Seeking the kingdom of God first and foremost is not easy.  In fact, I would say in today's day it is one of the most difficult things we can do.  Sports, Education, Entertainment, Intelligence, Money, Recreation, all of it quickly crowds out the important aspects every day.  Ultimately, does it matter if my child gets an A on the test?  Does it matter if my child can hit the baseball?  Does it even matter if my house is perfectly clean and presentable 100% of the time?  No, what matters is that I teach my children to do all things without murmuring and complaining.  That my children learn the value of sharing the Gospel with their friends and neighbors.  That my children learn to have compassion on those less fortunate, and choose not to judge those who don't behave exactly as they do.  What matters is that I live a life pleasing to God and make the most of every moment and every opportunity to teach my children about God.

Each and every morning, as I exit my bed I need to challenge myself to be with my children and train them not by words, but by example.  The day is half over, and what have I taught my children today?  Have I taught them of God's love? or have I told them the computer, or television, or book I'm reading is more important?  Am I stressing a passion for God's Word or a passion for the adventure in a piece of fiction?  Every word I say and every move I make is being watched and heard.  What are they learning today?

Preparing for Sunday: Thursday

Even if you are the kind of person who plans your meals an hour before the meal, you will greatly benefit on Sunday if you plan your Sunday menu today. 

Take time to decide what you are going to eat for breakfast, lunch, and supper on Sunday.  If you are missing any ingredients. make sure you go to the store today or Friday to pick up the extra items you may need.  Sundays with children are hectic enough, you don't need to be rushing around the kitchen trying to throw food on the table.

Here are some of my favorite Sunday meals:

Breakfast
Cereal
Crockpot Oatmeal
Cinnamon Rolls (made with a bread maker)
Donuts (made the night before)

Lunch
Roast, Carrots, and potatoes - all cooked in a crockpot (for lunch, you would need to cook on high).
Eating Out - great, if you aren't trying to watch the finances
Chili (warmed in the crockpot) - all children must change clothes first :)
Spagetti - again, all children must change out of Sunday clothes first
Any other one pot meal made in the crockpot, especially if you can assemble the night before.

Supper
I must confess, we rarely eat supper on Sunday's.  Growing up, Sunday supper was always fend for yourselves, so we typically will have a snacky supper - popcorn, cheese and crackers, hotdogs, lil' smokies, sandwiches, cereal, or even leftovers from the week prior.  However, if your family eats supper on Sundays, any of the lunch ideas would also work for supper.

I would love to hear some of your favorite Sunday meals.

A Weary Week

I'm desperate.  I feel as though the wave is coming and about to crash over me and knock me down.  Today, I am in a desperate state for my Savior.  I need his love, his gentle voice, and his incredible strength to finish the day.

My chores have fallen to the wayside as I have had to spend extra care discipling my children this week (being stuck inside for multiple days tends to bring out this extra time of care).  I am also moving slower because of the weariness of my body.  I am longing for the day when I can have perfect rest.

Let me describe the current state of my home, I have laundry stacked in front of the washing machine, toys and papers litering the living room floor, dishes to pull out of the dishwasher and dishes to put back in.  The weeds are on the verge of taking over my garden and flower beds. The babe is screaming his heart out (he has a full tummy and a clean diaper - so he is not being neglected), my other son is fussing because he doesn't want to take his nap, and the other three children are spread out around the house reading books.  Why is the babe crying?  Because he has chosen this week to not sleep unless he is concurrently nursing.  Therefore, mommy has not had sleep.  Thus, my great desperation for Christ.  I am trying, Really I am.

Today I must fall back.  I must take extra care to guard my lips.  Weariness is Satan's opportunity to cause me to become angry at my children, to hurt them and tear them down with my words.  I must take extra care to keep moving.  It is important for me to get to doing the next thing that needs to be done.  Today is not the day to start a new project, but a day to bathe in prayer and communion with my Lord.  Only in Christ can I accomplish that which needs to be completed. 

What joy I find in knowing that God is my strength, and my help when I am in need.  He is the lifter up of my soul, and he gives rest for the weary soul.  Without Christ, I would be as other moms, upset with my husband because I think I need a break, rushing out of the house to get out with friends as soon as he returns home.  Leaving the house a mess to irritate him. I would be seeking refreshment in friends and in drink, only to have all the struggles return the next day.  As a believer, I can find perfect peace in Christ knowing that nothing has been given me which we cannot face together, even if it means facing it without sleep :)

Jesus is a rock in a weary land!

Weary land! Weary land!

Jesus is a rock in a weary land!

Shelter in the time of storm!

Now that I'm done writing, the babe has ceased his crying, and I must go on to the next think - loading the laundry.

1000 Gifts

I have been given so many gifts of late.

12. I am thankful for the sunshine to be outside
13. I am thankful for a husband who is able to change the oil in our car.
14. I am thankful for God's wisdom preventing us from buying a new vehicle.
15. I am thankful for the sermon I heard Sunday.
16. I am thankful for visitors in church the last two weeks.
17. I enjoyed the privilige of getting up early with my husband to start our day in prayer for our family, missionaries, and church family.
18. I rejoice that God's Word gives me the little reminders to think always upon the truth and not my own feelings and perceptions.
19. God has gifted me with the opportunity to get my hands dirty and dig in the earth HE created.
20. The blessing of visiting with family on several occasions over the last two months.
21. Free coffee from Starbucks :)
22. Finding joy in visiting and weeding the flower beds for a friend.
23. The blessing of seeds planted bursting forth from the ground erupting into plants that will later feed my family.
24. The uniting of a man and woman yesterday- the daughter of good friends from college, and another union to be made later this week.
25. A baby who just might be starting to sleep throught the night!!!

Contentment is vital for the Christian walk, but even moreso for the Pastor's Wife.  Without gratitude and contentment, we can destroy the ministry of our husbands.  Whether it be a complaint about the parsonage not being modernized (or falling apart on you), or having to get creative about affordably feeding your family, or even about having your vacation cut short because of a funeral your husband is being called home to perform.  Remember, the ministry is not your husbands.  It's not even yours.  The ministry is God's ministry, and He will take care and provide for us.  Rather than complaining we need to be thankful and rejoice in the little crumbs we are left and for the priviledge of serving such an awesome and loving God.

Gardening for Life

I glanced out the window, and noticed two solitary roses blooming on the row of rose bushes.  Those bushes have been a blessing and a curse to me.  The roses on the bush are beautiful and fragrant.  I love using them to grace my table throughout the entire summer.  They make a beautiful centerpiece around a trifle bowl set at the table for company. However, the bushes grow a lot during the summer.  They grow until they are nothing more than a tangled overgrown mess of thorns.  During the winter months I see them in their barren scraggle, and dread the coming pruning.  I don't like pruning the bushes because I am afraid I may cut them too short, uneven, or find myself covered in thorns.  But, for the roses to be healthy and beautiful they need to be pruned.

My life is very much like the row of roses.  Daily I must be pruned.  The pruning in my life takes many different shapes and forms.  Some days I am being pruned, and somedays I am the pruner.  Somedays the pruning involves preventing a favorite food from entering the mouth.  Other days it comes in the shape of a child's imitation that causes me to realize another area to prune out.

Anytime you discover that you have elevated something to greater importance than our Lord and Savior, you must get out the pruning shears.  Not because that "something" is bad and wicked, but in order for your spiritual health.  For example, all of my children love food.  However, one of my children has a passion for eating that far exceeds the normal desire to eat.  So we have established a new rule.  If mommy offers a snack, you may have a snack.  If you ask for a snack, then you will not eat anything until the next meal.  This may sound harsh, but for a child that has made food god, it is a necessity.  Some days I have to be purposeful in not opening the computer until all my morning chores have been accomplished.  Not because the computer is evil or wicked, but because at times communicating via electronics pulls me away from dealing with the reality of my family.  I am being pruned.  Pruning does not mean complete removal of the plant, but a cutting back for fullness and health. 

I want my life to be full of God's goodness and joy.  Not full of the idols I so easily build up in my life. 

What areas of your life has God been pruning?

Eric Ludy - The Gospel

The Gospel is powerful. More powerful than either you or I can fully understand. Salvation does not just free us from death and eternal separation from God. The power of the Gospel gives us the ability to obey and serve our Savior.

Philippians 4:8

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things

This verse is probably the most powerful verse in my tool belt (they are all powerful, but this is the one I return to most frequently).  I struggle with my thought life so much.  At times it frustrates me because I feel like I should be able to just flip the switch and end the struggle.  Yet, this is not how we as humans opperate.

As women, I think it is so easy for us to read into situations and behaviors more than what is truly there.  For example, we have one couple in our church that after every service, they rush out of church (they are also usually one of the last to arrive).  I have tried to visit and get to know her on several occassions, even inviting to take her to lunch.  Yet, each time I feel like I am met with  a cold shoulder and the answer of I'm too busy.

It never fails, I always start wondering "Have I said or done something to offend her."  This has been my battle since we moved here, and one that I am fairly certain is just because of being such a small church.  In a larger church in the city, I would believe that she was just too busy.  We also probably would not notice as much the quickness with which someone left the church each week.  Since this started, I have been quoting this verse over and over to myself and reminding myself to believe her and to focus on what I know to be true.  I have examined my relationship with her, and I do not believe that I have wronged their family in any way.

And now, this week I have been encouraged.  On two different occassions she has shown interest in my children and visited with them.  Even picked one up and giving him a hug when he was being goofy.  I was greatly encouraged by this.  I am trusting God to bring to light if their is an issue between us, and if not, I have to accept that this may simply be her personality and busyness of life. 

By focusing on what I know to be true, it gives me freedom from the worry and anxiety of second guessing my actions and my words.  Isn't God's Word wonderful!  It gives us the tools we daily need to live a life of godliness.

Joyfulness

We long for peace, we long for serenity, we long for joy and happiness.  Where do we look?  We look for things to make us happy, we look for people to bring us joy, we look for good behavior in children to bring peace.  Yet, we don't find happiness in things.  People often bring us pain not joy.  Children, well I know my children certainly don't bring peace even though they are relatively well behaved.

So, where do we find peace and serenity, joy and happiness?   The answer is in the blood of Jesus Christ.  Only Christ can give us true peace.  Only Christ can calm our fears and handle our worries.  Only finding ourselves in Christ can bring true Joy, and only in the security of our future in Heaven can we find lasting happiness.

God created us to live today.  He doesn't want us to relive our regrets of yesterday.  He doesn't want us to plan out our obediences of tomorrow.  This moment is the one God has given you. 

My moment requires that I complete my household chores and tuck my children into bed.  What are you going to do with it? 

Take this cup away

And he said, "Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me." (Mark 14:36).  Have you ever prayed this prayer?  Or, if you haven't actually prayed it, have you ever thought it? 

This morning at the Gospel Coalition, James MacDonald preached on Psalm 25.  The theme for this year's conference is preaching Christ in the Old Testament.  The sermon was a great encouragement, and convicting at the same time.  Psalm 25: 20, David states "Keep my soul, and deliver me;"  David cries out for God to deliver him.  Correspondingly, Christ cries out to his Father to deliver him from the weight of having the sins of the earth poured out on himself. 

Yet, neither of these passages stop at the cry for deliverance.  David continues "Let me not be ashamed, for I put my trust in You.  Let integrity and uprightness preserve me, For I wait for You."  David wants deliverance, but more than deliverance he wants to be sure he is trusting and waiting on God.

Christ continues the verse with And he said, "Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will." (Mark 14:36). "Not what I will, but what you will."  I think we often times pray for deliverance from our trials.  Whether the trial is minor, or whether it is major.  Whether it is a broken down vehicle in the middle of nowhere, or stage four cancer raging through the body of our child.  Trials are hard to bear.  They are often unwanted, pressure building stages of our lives.  Yet, it is the pressure that turns a dirty old piece of coal into a beautiful sparkling diamond. 

I am nothing more than a lump of coal that the Master is beautifying. Next time the pressure builds, and the trials seems more than you can bear, don't leave your prayer at a prayer of deliverance -- remember to finish it with "Not what I will, but what you will"  and wait.  Wait upon the Lord Your God and see what wondrous things He will do.  Romans 8:28 -- And we know that all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.  As believers, we have been called to the greatest calling -- to share the gospel to a lost world. God has a greater plan than you or I can see, we must simply WAIT and TRUST.  God will bring us through the trial.

Preparing for Sunday: Wednesday

Today is a great day to have a chapel service with your children to help them remember the proper behavior they are to have in church.  With the wealth of sermons available on the Internet (do be wise in what sermon you choose -- choose a preacher you know preaches the gospel message correctly), it is easy to find a new sermon each week to listen to.

After you have chosen a sermon to listen to, sit your children down on the couch, or around the table, and explain to them what you are going to do.  I like to sit my kids beside me on the couch to "practice how we are going to sit in church.  They are each given a Bible, a notebook, and a pencil.  Have a time of singing together where they can join in on the singing with you (just like they would do during the service).  Have a time of prayer.  Take a moment to reexplain how they are to sit with explanation of how discipline will be issued (just as you would do on Sunday's).  For example, my six year old knows how to sit quietly and keep her hands to herself. However, she rarely behaves in church and she knows punishment will be waiting for her at home.  I am not promoting that you discipline your one year old for squirming (for example, a couple weeks ago, my husband mentioned the rooster crow in a sermon.  My two year old promptly added er er ererrrrrrrrrrrr -- I promptly tried to shush him, but was pleased that he was at least listening on occasion).

Mom, sit down with your children and your Bible-- remember, we are to set the example.  I suggest using a note card for taking notes (it's easier to slip into your Bible if you have to deal with  a child).  Begin the sermon, and if any of the kids begin to act up, you can pause the message and deal with the situation.  Sit back down and return to listening to the sermon.  If you are doing this for the first time, you can progressively work your way up to an entire sermon -- Start with 15 minutes of sitting, and work your way up to the full 45 - 75 minutes of sitting still.  If you can train your children to sit quietly and listen to a sermon now you will be blessed when they are older, and in other situations when they need to know how to sit quietly and attentively. If they know how to write start off by having them pick out words and write the words, then progress to sentences, and continue progressing until they can take notes on the sermon.  If they don't know how to write, have them draw pictures of words they hear, or copy the words you write in your notes.

This is a training session.  If your children need more work in preparation for Sunday's, maybe a practice session every other day would be helpful.  You set the pace.  Don't become upset or angry that your kids are not letting you hear a complete sermon.  Instead, rejoice in the tidbits that you are able to grasp and focus on the training aspect.  Eventually you will be able to focus on the preaching again, but for this season of our lives, God has granted us the task of teaching our children to have a passion for God.

Contentment

We have been discussing contentment frequently in our home.  Amongst my children, the discussion revolves around being content with what is served during mealtime, contentment and gratitude for the toys and books that we already have, and contentment with the activities that we are able to do as a family. 

As a reminder to myself, I have been working on having a spirit of contentment with what God has given us, and the ministry we have been placed into.  This afternoon as I was scrolling through the blogs I follow, I came upon A Holy Experience.  Ann Voskamp published a post today entitled

How to {help} Raise Grateful Kids

I love the wonderful ideas she posts about how to instill gratefulness in our children.  She included several ideas I plan to begin implementing into our daily routine.  I especially appreciate the idea of having the children each write out what they are thankful for each day on a post it note and placing it on the window (although I might use the wall instead).

I would love to hear your ideas about teaching gratefulness to children (and to yourself).

Today I am grateful for:

1. The sunshine so I can get out and weed my flowerbeds.

2. The beautiful blossoms on the fruit trees giving hope for delicious fruit later this year.

3. My adoring husband who gives his adoration freely when I am so undeserving.

4. The amazing technology that can bring people together (when used properly).

5. The daily encouragement and joy I find in the presence of my Lord each day.

6. Five beautiful and healthy children

7. The blessing of spiritual mentors both nearby and far away.

8. Godly parents who support our family in our journey of parenthood and ministry.

9. The daffodills that grace my kitchen table (with thanks to my neighbor for allowing my daughter to pick them).

10. For nap time which gives me a few minutes to sit down and refresh before heading to the next task on the list.

11. For the ability to work and care for my amazing family.

I could go on, but I will continue this list another day.  Now, please share below what you are thankful for today.

Breaking Down the Walls

Do you know what this picture is?  This is a portion of the Berlin Wall that still stands today.  I rejoice that the Berlin Wall no longer divides Germany as it did for so many years.  However, there is a serious wall that we as Christian Women often need to face and break down.

This wall is a serious wall that can be the cause of destroying our personal ministry to the women in our churches, and it can also destroy my husband's ministry.  This wall is the Wall of Depression.

Depression takes on many forms at many different levels.  The easiest wall to climb over is the wall of discouragement.  We can quickly go to God's Word and find encouragement to meet the challenges of the day.  Discouragement usually does not last very long if my first response is to turn over to God.  I face discouragement because I create an expectation of how something should be done, or results something should give.  When the outcome does not meet my expectation, I am overwhelmed by discouragement.  As wives, we need to remember that our job in the ministry is not to produce the outcome of growing our churches or forcing salvation upon others.  This is not even the job of our Pastor Husbands.  The outcome belongs to the Lord.  My job as a wife is to support my husband and care for my family, and assist in ministering to the needs of the church as much as I am able (or are permitted by the church members -- obviously, if they don't tell you about a need it's difficult to minister).

From this point on, depression takes on more serious forms and the walls are harder to break down.  The symptoms of depression range from always being exhausted, to a constant sadness, to suicidal thoughts.  However, the source remains the same -- Selfish thinking because our expectations are not being met. 

In the ministry, I discovered that I have a lot of expectations.  I expect the church members to be as excited as we are about a ministry opportunity.  I expect the church to work together on repairs that need to be done.  I expect the people to stay awake and listen to the wonderful sermon my husband has prepared.  I expected my children to sit quietly through the church service.  When these expectations aren't met, discouragement sets in.  If the initial discouragement is not dealt with, the next missed expectation causes me to sink deeper until I eventually find myself wallowing in the pit of despair.

Ever since I was in elementary school I have battled with depression.  I can remember walking home in junior high and praying for Christ to return right away because I just knew I wouldn't survive another day.  Suicide was a recurring thought, but I knew it was sinful.  I remember one night in high school consuming nearly an entire bottle of pain killers.

As I contemplated that weekend, it wasn't a matter of feeling pain as much as it was being overwhelmed with loneliness (caused by unmet expectations).  I knew with each pill I swallowed that I was drowning myself in selfishness.

Fast forward about fifteen years.  Loneliness is still a struggle for me.  However, my bouts of depression have been fewer and shorter.  My most recent struggle lasted only three days.  This realization has caused me to examine why.

We serve an awesome God, and I know that it is his grace, compassion, and gospel that has lifted me from the pit of despondency.  With five little ones clamouring for attention, I have very little time for pity parties.  Plus, when I do throw a pity party, it doesn't take long to see another one in my family having his/her own party.

This morning my scripture reading included "The sins of the father's will be visited upon the third and fourth generation." I do not want my children wallowing in despair as I wasted much of my childhood doing.

When depressed we often prefer to sleep in and stay inside.  We waste away by either reading a book or mindlessly watching a movie or television.  All of these are the wrong response to depression as they only cause us to sink further into the bog of self-pity.

When I am busy studying God's Word, serving others, sharing the Gospel of Christ, I no longer focus on my own perceived needs and expectations.  Instead, I focus on how I can meet the needs of others.

Next time you find yourself beginning to step into the pit of despair, turn your mourning into joy.  Praise the Lord that you are not responsible for the reactions and responses of others.  Praise God for the opportunity to minister for Him.  Put on some Godly praise music and sing praises to God.  Remember his grace, His mercy. Remember how awesome our God is!

Sometimes depression comes because we have forgotten how awesome God IS!!!

Creating Dates

I love dating my husband.  We love going out just the two of us and enjoying dinner and some other activity (bowling, mini golf, window shopping).  However, dates - at least the way we knew them before marriage and before kids - are very few and far between (I'm talking months between).  So few dates are not good for a marriage - we still need to get to know each other and communicate with one another.

Here comes the fun part. We have become creative with our dating.  With five young kids, hiring two teenagers can get expensive, and swapping babysitting with another family is difficult because I would have to find two or three families to swap with who would all be available on the same night (a five to one or two ratio is not fair to the other family on a regular basis).

We have started meeting once a week for a financial date.  After the kids go to bed, we sit down together with the computer and determine where we are financially for the month.  This may soon become a biweekly date as we have greatly reduced our spending.  Usually after we have finished our financial discussion, we then will cuddle together and watch a movie on the computer.

Another thing we have started is turning church activities without the kids into a date.  A couple weeks ago, we attended a community pastor's appreciation banquet.  Even though we carpooled with another couple, I adjusted my thinking so it wasn't just a community function, but it was a "date" with my hubby.  It met my requirements of no children, and time spent with my husband.  No, we didn't talk as much with each other as we did with those around us, but we did get to dress up a little bit and enjoy simply being together at an adult function.

My favorite date recently was at the hospital when our baby was born.  We allowed him to be taken care of in the nursery while we enjoyed a quiet dinner together on our anniversary. Sitting at a table with a steak dinner in hospital garb a few hours after giving birth will go down as a memorable anniversary date!

What are some ways you have sneaked in a date with your husband lately?

Does Ministry get Lonely and Hard?

If you have spent any amount of time in Christian Ministry, you know there are days you want to pull out your hair and scream because it seems like people either aren't getting it, or they don't want to change.  This weekend was a bit of a challenge for me in this regards.  I'm not going to go into details, but it is one of those issues that makes you think people have forgotten that the purpose of the church is more than just going to hear the preaching. 

Well, after having a rough day of discouragement yesterday, I woke up early this morning and sat down to study my Bible.  My reading came from Exodus 30 - 32.  As I began reading about Moses visiting with God on the mountaintop, I was excited about learning and sitting at the feet of God.  Then, after Moses is handed the ten commandments, God looks down at His people, sees their great wickedness and rejection of Himself.  There is no other way to look at it.  Israel rejected God as their deliverer -- Men made a golden calf and proclaimed "These are your gods, O Israel, who brought you up out of the land of Egypt." Aaron, Moses' own brother who stood beside Moses in front of Pharaoh and performed all these miracles at the hand of God even built an alter before this calf for the people to worship at.  God's righteous anger was hot.  He wanted to destroy the people, and Moses stood in the gap and pleaded for God to spare his people.
When Moses came down the mountain, his own anger was kindled against the people, and he destroyed the calf, and commanded the Levites to destroy any who persisted in idolatry and immorality.

As I read this passage, another instance in Moses' life came to mind.  An instance where the people were complaining and Moses. frustrated and angry, disobeyed God and struck the rock with his rod instead of speaking to the rock.  Moses was tired, lonely, and frustrated by the stubbornness of the people.

As I meditated on this, my heart was rebuked.  If the prophets struggled with loneliness, people who refused to respond to God's message, and frustration, how can I expect ministry today to be any different?  I have been selfish -- almost as though I expected ministering to come easy and naturally.  While this doesn't change anything in our church body, reflecting on this passage has helped to bring me up out of my discouragement and refocus on the one I am serving.  God does not demand that we bring him results. 

"With what shall I come before the LORD,
   and bow myself before God on high?
Shall I come before him with burnt offerings,
   with calves a year old?
⁷ Will the LORD be pleased with thousands of rams,
   with ten thousands of rivers of oil?
Shall I give my firstborn for my transgression,
   the fruit of my body for the sin of my soul?"
⁸He has told you, O man, what is good;
   and what does the LORD require of you
but to do justice, and to love kindness,
   and to walk humbly with your God? (Micah 6)

Am I walking humbly today, or walking in pride?  I am not responsible for how others respond to God's Word, but I am responsible for my own response to God's Word.  What about you, what has your ministry been teaching you?

Preparing for Sunday: Tuesday

Last week I discussed the importance of taking time on Monday to prepare my heart for Sunday.  This week, I am going to discuss why I take time on Tuesday to prepare my Sunday School Lesson.

Occassionally, a pastor's wife has to step up and take on a ministry she really doesn't want to take on simply because no one else is willing to take it on and the wonderful Pastor already has too much on his plate.  This basically explains how I became a Sunday School teacher.  I had no desire to teach Sunday School, not because I don't have the ability to teach, but because I really want my children to have godly influences on their lives other than their parents.  However, at this moment in time we have no one else to teach.  So, in my reluctance I took on the task.

My first and biggest mistake was my reluctance.  Instead of being excited and rejoicing at the opportunity to minister in the church, I complained.  Then, after complaining I began to procrastinate.  Because I did not want to teach I would wait till the very last moment (Saturday night after the kids were in bed) to prepare the lesson.  Ugh, it was awful.  I would usually be up till midnight cutting out flannelgraph, making photocopies, and somewhere in there squeezing a few minutes to read through the Bible lesson.  Guiltily, I knew this was not the way I should be approaching my class.  It often left me tired and stressed on Sunday morning.

So, asking the Lord for wisdom (and I'm sure quite a bit of prayer from my husband that I would change my attitude), I sought out to find a way to make teaching Sunday School a lot less stressful and more enjoyable.

Each quarter when I first receive the materials, I go through and print out all of the papers I will need for the quarter and file them into folders for the week they are to be used.  I also get all of the flannelgraph cut out (I found this is a great way to keep my hands busy while watching a movie with my husband -- of course, if you are planning to snuggle with your husband while watching a movie DO NOT DO THIS).

Now we get to Tuesday.  On Tuesday, I recommend taking some time to read through and study out the Sunday School lesson for Sunday.  Gather any and all supplies you will need for your class, and pull out the papers you will need to photocopy.  The reason I suggest you plan all of this on Tuesday is so if your church has a midweek service, you can take everything with you and make your photocopies and place all of the S.S. supplies in your classroom.  I have found Sunday mornings are less stressful if I'm not having to rush around church making photocopies and then arriving at the lesson just to realize I left some of the supplies at home.

Now, you are ready for Sunday School.  I do recommend reviewing the lesson again on Saturday.  However, if you are already prepared and the unexpected arises (this is the ministry, and things always happen on Saturday's when we are unprepared for Sunday - at least it tends to work that way for me), you won't be stressing and staying up into the early hours of the morning to get your Sunday School lesson prepared.

Preparing the Heart for Sunday

How was your Sunday?  I pray you enjoyed the fellowship with other believers, and the exhortation from the Scriptures.  However, if your Sunday was like mine where you were distracted by a whimpering baby and a squirmy toddler, it may not be so easy to say you had a fabulous Sunday.

Yes, Sunday was a challenge.  However, today is a new day.  So, today I begin with the preparation of my heart for next Sunday.

There was a time I dreaded Sundays.  It's not that I didn't like going to church.  I loved going to church.  I just hated to go to church when my husband was preaching and I had to try to grow more arms to keep each of my children quiet.  Yet, as the time passed I realized that the more I hated going to church, the worse my children behaved in church.  Thus, I set out to change my bad attitude about Sundays.

I went back to the Scripture - Yes, I could get more out of a sermon by listening at home when the children were down for naps: God commands us to gather together with other believers. 

Hebrews 10:24-25 states

And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works,

not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another

This passage has helped me to realize that the purpose of attending church is not just to sit in the pew and listen to the sermon.  The purpose of my attending church is to "stir up another to love and good works."  I can't do this if I have a bad attitude about attending in the first place.

Once I realized that my attendance at church was for the purpose of encouraging other believers and to receive encouragement from other believers, attending church became much easier. I no longer had the pressure to try to be fed from the sermon while my kids squirmed for attention.

Now I enjoy going to church, not because of the sermon (although I'm sure my husband is a great preacher, and I'm sure someday I'll actually be able to hear an entire sermon without interruption).  But I look forward to going to church because it's my opportunity to minister to my church family.  By giving hugs, and letting the other women know I'm praying for them throughout the week, I can encourage them. And, I have learned to enjoy just the short visits I get with each church member.

I am also encouraging my children by teaching them the importance of faithfulness; and most importantly, I am encouraging my husband.  When I miss a service (for reasons other than illness), it discourages my husband.  I like to try to hear at least one small point of his sermon to discuss with him over the noon meal. 

So, Mondays are important for me.  They help me to reset my thinking.  I do continue to struggle with the thoughts of "it would be so much easier to just keep them home," or "what's the point in going if every Sunday is going to be like this."  On Mondays I remind myself of why it's important to attend church, and start looking forward to the next Sunday.  By building up anticipation all week, I find it much easier to be joyful and excited about attending church on Sunday, and to be hopeful that this Sunday will be better.

Worship during the Dirty Dishes

Occasionally I will have a day where I want to just tune out all the noise in our house.  I don't say this in a negative way.  I simply have some days where the kids are so busy playing that they get a little loud, and I have difficulty thinking.  When the kids are playing well, and not being overly wild or fighting, I don't like interrupting their play simply because the noise level is a little too loud for my comfort.  So, instead I grab my MP3 player, position the ear buds in my ears and do some house work. 

Yesterday was one of those days where I just needed to have some quiet time to refocus on worshipping the Lord (I often get distracted and lose focus).  So, yesterday I put in my ear buds and tackled a pile of dirty dishes while I fixed supper.  While I was listening, the song By Faith from Keith and Kristyn Getty came on.  As I was singing along with the music, I was struck by the words of the hymn.

We will stand as children of the promise
We will fix our eyes on Him our soul's reward
Till the race is finished and the work is done
We'll walk by faith and not by sight

By faith the church was called to go
In the power of the Spirit to the lost
To deliver captives and to preach good news
In every corner of the earth

We will stand...

By faith this mountain shall be moved
And the power of the gospel shall prevail
For we know in Christ all things are possible
For all who call upon His name

We will stand...
Yes, some days ministry in a small church and small community can be very difficult.  I won't lie and say I don't ever wish we were in a larger church.  However, I have enough friends in ministry to know that every church has its struggles.  The struggles are just different.  But, by Faith I will continue to run this race beside my husband and we will faithfully minister to our small congregation.  This church right here is where God has called us, and I must not turn my husband against the ministry.  I must not plant seeds of doubt in his mind.  Instead, I must support and encourage my husband.  My job is to do my best to keep things running smoothly at home, so when he comes through the door the trials and discouragements of the church no longer weigh him down, but that the love and joy of a happy and peaceful family will uplift his spirits.

Today LifeAction Ministries sent out an e-mail entitled "Debunking the American Dream of Ministerial Success" by Bill Elliff 
This article brought up the Apostle Paul "But I will stay in Ephesus until Pentecost, for a wide door for effective work has opened to me, and there are many adversaries" (1 Corinthians 16:8-9 ESV).  As ministers of the Gospel, we are to expect adversaries.  Adversaries are not just from without the church.  Paul had many adversaries attacking his ministry even from within the church. 

Today I am making a choice.  Instead of allowing the ministry to discourage and dishearten me, I am going to find encouragement in knowing that God has a purpose for us right where we are, and He has a plan for our wonderful congregation.  Therefore, I must be the encourager to my husband and support the various activities and ways he strives to reach our community.

Fleshing out the Scripture

Parenting can be full of hard choices.  As parents in America, we are bombarded with advice of all sorts coming from all directions.  Each source assuring us that they are correct and all other sources wrong.  As a Christian, we can have peace and wisdom to know how to raise our kids.  I'm not saying that we never question the decisions we make, or wonder if we should have done something differently, but I am saying that we have the Author of Wisdom to assist us in guiding and raising our children.

Deuteronomy 6:6-7 says "And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart.  You shall teach them diligently to your children."  When I read this verse a couple months ago, I was greatly convicted.  Not because we haven't been teaching our children the Scriptures, but I had not been incorporating the Scriptures into my parenting.  Our kids learn lots of verses every week for kids club and Sunday School, but we've not been teaching them the verses they needed to deal with their personal spiritual battles.

Verse 7 continues with "and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.  [v. 8] You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. [v.9] You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. [v.12] . . . lest you forget the Lord."  I was doing well with teaching my kids to memorize the Word of God, but I was not teaching them properly -- I was not holding the Word of God out before them as the source of wisdom.  I was not teaching them to change their ways by use of the Scriptures.

Let me explain, with four young kids we do have our share of fights and gimmies, and accusations of the sibling taking "my" toy, pencil, you name it they accuse it.  As a family, we have been memorizing I Corinthians 13:1-8a.  Now, when my kids are fighting, I have them recite as much of the passage as they have learned (each of the kids).  Then, after they all have recited their verses, they are asked the question - "What can you do to show love to _______."  After all parties involved in the fight answer the question, I give them each a choice -- You can choose to obey the Scriptures and show love to _______, or you can choose your own wicked way and choose to show hate to __________.  When my kids have been confronted with their actions, they have responded by finding ways to work together and share.

I do want to clarify, that my three older children have each made a profession of faith.  So they do have the convicting power of the Holy Spirit working in their hearts when they are confronted with their sins.

My toddler?  He is another story.  We are working on teaching him the Scripture verses as well, but he is not yet at the position of being able to make the choice.  We go through the process for him, and then we make the decision "To show love to _________ you need to let him play with the toy."

Some of the other passages we are using include

Psalm 19:14 -- when our one child loses control of her emotions and throws fits.

Acts 20:35 -- when another child struggles with selfish thoughts and has the gimmies instead of the givings

I would suggest with young children you focus on one key character or discipline issue at a time until they have the Scripture passage memorized and show evidence of being able to implement the Scripture in their lives.  Then pray about the next character quality to work on in the child's life.  You will be returning to the previous issues, but it helps to give the kids a foundation -- especially when first starting out -- This will also help you as a parent to not become overwhelmed.

I strongly recommend the book Proverbs for Parenting: A Topical Guide for Child Raising from the Book of Proverbs.

Wrestling a Crocodile

Have you ever wrestled a crocodile?  Sunday gave me the opportunity . . . at least in theory.

Attempting to keep a toddler still in church is very much like wrestling a crocodile.  Sunday, I had to make a decision on how I would respond.  I could choose to respond in frustration towards a child who was struggling to sit still; or I could rejoice in the opportunity that was given to me.

By sitting in church with my toddler, I am able to train him. He is learning the importance of faithfulness in gathering together with other believers (Hebrews 10:25).  He is also learning how to rein in his energy and sit quietly.

My other children also learn by my example.  If I were to take every opportunity to duck out of church because of a squirming child or a headache caused from stress, my kids would grow up thinking that attending church is not important.  By attending even when going to church is difficult, my kids learn that attending church is very important and has great value for their spiritual lives. 

Yet, my children are not the only ones learning by my actions.  The Lord is also teaching me to control my own emotions and reactions.  I am also learning to find my spiritual nourishment from personal study of the Word of God rather than depending on the preacher to spoon feed me every week (Acts 17:11).  The Lord has also been teaching me that simply gathering together with other believers can be uplifting to one's spirit.  This is not to say that there is no value in hearing the sermon (the sermon has many lessons).  I am simply drawing on those blessings and lessons learned outside of the message.

A Love/Hate Relationship - Part 1

What a wonderful Lord's Day we had on Sunday.  I love being able to attend service and return home with my heart full from being taught from the Word of God and fellowshipping with other believers.  This past Sunday was incredible.  My children sat quietly and somewhat attentively, and I made it through an entire service without having to step out. 

However, this has not always been the relationship I had with Sundays.  Over the past five years, there have been many times that the day set aside for worshipping our Great Lord was my most miserable and lonely day of the week.  Nearly five years ago, my husband and I found ourselves in a small hurting church.  Our young preschoolers were the only children, and we had an adjustment to make.  I had a choice, I could either teach our three active children to sit quietly through service or I could spend all four services in the nursery.  Many times I ended the service by sitting in the nursery trying to keep the kids quiet.  More than once I would completely leave the church and bring all of the kids home and put them in bed.  Many of those days ended with me in tears.  This was a very hard season in life for me.  I fought it with every ounce of my being; because I fought it, I was miserable and lonely. 

I'm not saying there was anything I could have done differently.  I couldn't force my kids to sit still and quiet.  Three kids and only two arms made this task nearly impossible (I would have needed to be an octopus to accomplish this).  However, my attitude stunk.  I placed unreasonable expectations on my kids to sit quietly for three services in one day and still be able to take afternoon naps -- that meant they had no time on Sundays to play and be active. 

I also placed unreasonable expectations on our congregation.  I thought surely someone else in the church would volunteer to sit with my kids in the nursery for at least one service every now and then (I wasn't asking for every week).  I expectantly hung up a nursery volunteer sheet.  To my dismay, no one signed up to be in the nursery.  My expectation caused me to begin resenting the church.

Horror of Horrors, was when I became angry with my husband. I would get hurt and upset whenever he preached beyond the allotted time frame (okay, beyond my allotted time frame).  Didn't he understand I was barely maintaining my composure to stay sitting there?  Couldn't he tell the kids couldn't possibly sit for an extra half hour? 

Those first two to three years of training our children to behave in church was indeed a season of winter in my life.  You know what, the winter is not entirely over for me.  Since arriving at the church, we have added two more babies to our family.  This means I still don't hear majority of the sermons my husband preaches, but this winter season in my life is slowly warming up. 

I write this so that you, young pastor's wife can find encouragement knowing that while this season is cold and lonely at times, you can make it through this season.  It will ease up.  I will continue this topic on another day.

Ecclesiastes 3:1

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: 

My Purpose and Plan

I am a wife to a wonderful man who pastor's a small rural church of 20 people.  I am also the mother of five beautiful children whose ages fall into the preschool and lower elementary range.  The purpose of this blog is to express how God is working in my own heart and life to draw me closer to him as I work through the challenges of being a pastor's wife and mother.

You may be thinking there are plenty of resources available on being a pastor's wife and balancing ministry and family.  You would be correct.  However, I am finding relatively few resources that help the pastor's wife who finds herself in an older congregation with young children.  Here on this blog, I hope to explore my challenges and answer each challenge with Scripture.  I want to journal my journey of becoming the godly wife and mother God desires me to be, and my journey to minister to my church family as a godly pastor's wife.  By publishing this on the web, I pray I will be an encouragement to another pastor's wife who finds herself alone and discouraged because of the small size of her husband's ministry.